uncharted territory.

In case you haven't noticed, this is the year of posts related to having a senior in high school. I make no apologies. 

We visited a college on Saturday. It's a small, VT college about 2 hours from here. As we drove into the town, I concentrated on not blinking...it's very, very small. The college itself is a state college. It's smaller than my high school. Seriously. I'm not exaggerating. 

As we toured & listened & toured some more, I was hit with a now-familiar sense of panic. I don't know how to do this. I don't have my own experience to fall back on - I moved out @ 18 into an appt with the frat boy that I later (really sooner...not later enough) married. We were both in college, but we weren't "typical" college students. I haven't done the dorm thing. I wasn't the sorority type. I didn't deal with dining halls - I had my very own stove on which to cook hamburger helper. 

So. Here I am, trying to keep an open mind. Trying not to let my own opinions (it's smaller than my high school!!!) influence Hope's opinions. I do have fellow parents of seniors (& juniors, & college aged kids) that I can turn to for advice. But really? Most of those in my "support system" have children who still can't sit in the front seat of the car. I'm alone in this one....and that sucks.

For those of you who did do the "typical" college thing - fill me in. Don't mince words. I want to know. Tell me what you loved & hated. Tell me what really happens in the dorms. Tell me about the sex, drugs, and rock & roll. 

(and then hand me a paper bag...I'm already hyperventilating)

Comments

[Lisa-G]

I went to a huge college (well, university really, since in Canada we call it university.) Vast. No one there knew or cared if I attended class or did my work. So for a long time I didn't. I managed to scrap out a degree, and went on to graduate school, but with pretty sad grades.

Now I'm back in school and getting straight 4.0's. Of course it's mostly because I'm older, because I'm here entirely by my choice, because I have other things I could be doing with the tuition money so I better be motivated.

BUT one thing I know for sure. If I had gone to a little university like this one (total enrollment around 2,000) rather than the one that I did go to (total enrollment around 50,000-really), I would have done well-i.e. good grades. No question.

Good luck!

[Lisa-G]

Oops! I should have said "scrape out a degree". LOL

[emily (justem)]

I have so many things I could talk about in terms of college. We should talk on the phone! ;)

[Lori]

As you know, I went to a small Vermont state college. My college was also smaller then my high school. Talk to me. I can help. I lived in dorms, ate in dining halls, etc.

[Stacy B]

I went to Ohio University at 18... as with most things, I think it's going to be what you make of it. I ended up making friends with like-minded souls and kept the bad influences at bay.

The total immersion experience of college can be a good thing.

My mom had a much harder time with me going off to college. And since my boy is a toddler, I don't have much advice to offer from the parent perspective. Keep up communication and encourage her to make good choices, maybe?

[Barb]

I didn't do the typical college thing. I tried to (because I thought it was what I should do), and I dropped out before the first week was over. I moved back in to my parents house and went to school close to home. Then, I moved in with The Boy and finished college in another city - no dorm, no frat house.

Hope is an amazing person, Katrina. You are an amazing person. And, she will make a choice and you will support her in the way that you always have.

[bryan farley]

I understand why you feel that you don't know what to do. But, being a college student is not the same as being a parent of a college student. Assuming I reach that age, and my kids get to college, I will also be lost, even if my kids choose the university I attended.

As far as the paper bag stuff, I knew you in high school, and I forget that you didn't really go to college...

you probably would have been bored. I was. It seemed like college was for people who didn't experiment in high school, and I went to a cool University (one of the coolest).

Hopey might experiment with some stuff. Maybe she will wait. Maybe she will eat too much pizza and drink too much coffee and beer and talk about the interesting philosophy lecture or the young philosophy professor, but would your own college experience really prepare you for those conversations? Not really. And would Hopey really care about your college experiences, if you had them? Probably not.

She is growing up. And she needs her mother. The woman who, "moved out @ 18 into an appt with the frat boy (who) later married..." her father. She doesn't need a mother who went to college and lived in the dorms. Because that isn't you, and that isn't Hope. She gains her strength from you.

Be yourself, and everything will be fine.

[shelley]

boy reading these responses... it's all been said. my immediate thought, is i too, am a momma of one who still sits in the backseat...and don't have the momma advice. however - my only regret in life is not immersing myself fully in college. i got a full ride to Syracuse University theatre department and dropped out half way through the first semester. BIG regret. i opted to live off campus, and had to work full time to support that choice. advise Hope to get immersed in as much as she can. i believe you've raised an amazing person. and she will make the right choices. and as one of your friends stated, she needs her momma right now. breathe sister. you will make it through this.

[mom]

YOU need a paper bag?? First you tell me she was voted "most gullible" for pete's sake, and then in the next breath talk about sending her off to college. It's like a roller coaster ride! LOL At least I've lived long enough to know that the ride ends and reality begins. You can prepare her for life, but you can't live it for her. And no one else's experience will prepare you for what she might do or the choices she might make.

[Lain]

Tons of thoughts on this. My parents came from a similar background as you -- were married during my dad's early college years. My mom went to jr. college and neither never did the college thing, so they had nothing to tell me.

I learned a lot the hard way!

I went to a big-name school, and the farther I get from it, the more I am convinced that where you go doesn't matter -- it's what you do while you're there.

I have a lot more to say if you ever want to chat! ;)